Recently, I’ve been tackling some issues and shit’s been real.
Lots of issues, that all hit me at once in a period of total solitude. I was really, really alone. All my friends were gone doing summer things, and there was literally no one I could talk to to bounce my thoughts off of. And you know when you talk to someone and you need a certain reaction even though you can’t tell them exactly that you need it because you aren’t even sure what it is you need, but you get done talking and you just get the completely wrong reaction, or nothing? That happened a couple times too, to people i shouldn’t have been opening up to but I was desperate.
Issues surrounding a breakup and me being confronted head on with the relationship issues I have and what exactly I need to fix and be aware of before I ever get into a relationship again. Issues with confidence and self-esteem, and figuring out the right direction to go right now in my life. Getting my shit together and figuring out where to go from here. Many other things tied up into all of that. All while I was very alone, and very depressed, for two weeks essentially.
And in the middle of that, my great grandmother got sick, and died while I was in the airport waiting to go visit her. Being surrounded my family was incredibly beneficial, but it was also another onslaught of emotion on top of what I was already trying to bottle up.
Point is, it’s been interesting. My summer job is working at the gatehouse of a campground and beach (more hours alone), so there’s been a lot of self reflection and journaling during my ten hour shifts. I decided to really figure out what’s going on, to analyze it and create a tangible plan to grow from it and repair myself. To know exactly what I’m feeling and to work on getting healthy again. It’s the summer before my senior year, this is my time to figure things out.
So I have been. A lot of writing, as I said. Also a website called skillsyouneed.com, basically a website outlining essential skills to develop for life. So I was like hey, there we go, personal development.
Also, a friend I met recently told me about a bracelet he’s worn since he was ten. He wears it on one wrist, and when he makes an important and final decision, he switches the bracelet to his other wrist, and the slight weight change reminds him in a subtle and tangible way of the decision he made and to stick with it. I thought that was really cool, so I got myself a bracelet.
There’s my very personal update of what’s been going on in my life. As I warned you, you’ll be hearing a lot from me this summer, as Grace’s summer job takes her to the wilderness of Maine and removes her both from Wi-fi and the ability to post regularly. We’ll just have some bonding time, you and me, it’ll be fun. :) She should be jealous.
That’s all for now! Message me, I’d love to talk to you guys. More from me later! Love you all, my best wishes for you and all of your journeys.